My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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