I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize