bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
