my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize