If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
