and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize