I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Randomize
