Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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