Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize