its not stalking. its research.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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