I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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