I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
