i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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