we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
