My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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