Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
