More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I will die if light touches me.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
