Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
