she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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