I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
