Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
