Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
