I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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