I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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