He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize