I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
You're like the curious george of whores
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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