God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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