Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
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