So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
