I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
