You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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