Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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