Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
