And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
zippers are such a cool invention
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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