My room smells like vodka and shame
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
