Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
