If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
