Your tits are I can't wait for
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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