there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
