Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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