so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Randomize
