Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
