the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
