Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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