AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
