Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
