Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
