were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
