So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize