my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
