a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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