Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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