I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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