he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
