STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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