I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
