is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize