You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
