The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
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