I like to think it a success when the cops are called
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
