and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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