just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You're a waste of cheezeits
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize