To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
