You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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