My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
