Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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