Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
