You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
