Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Just cropdusted the office
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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