If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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