this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
