ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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