I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
i think i just lost a toe
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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