you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
