Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
