Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
