someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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