I'm really into asian looking animals
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
