Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
