Define "chronic" masturbator.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
