D3 body, D1 cock
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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